Since my last post, I have plunged into a netherworld of blackness and self-loathing that can be attributed to New York Rangers blues, the potential failure of my herb garden and wondering if I am lost Zulu king.

“And If you stare right there, I’m sure you’ll see the Zulu Queen.” – Professor Longhair

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Yes, I made the maddening and illogical decision to start a herb and a vegetable garden. Being disposed to a blackness that can weigh down the soul, I have little faith that either garden will approximate the Bronx Botanical Garden but a strong belief that one or both could earn the designation of a Superfund toxic waste site.

Parsley may be coming up.

I’m rootin’ for the oregano.

I could give a shit about the dill.

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The summer has arrived and I am coaching a Little League All-Star team. At our most recent practice, a nine-year-old player was spitting on one of his teammates. The offended party and future litigator responded to the aggressor with, “You know that’s assault.”

The Gaylord Perry spitter checked with his mother, who informed him that assault was only when you hit a person. When this juvenile delinquent enters the system, I hope he doesn’t retain his mother as legal counsel.

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I always thought I never had any chance to play in the major leagues, but the New York Mets’ impotent offensive performance should give every man, woman and child a chance. The Mets should consider bringing back the big bats of Doug Flynn, Frank Tavares and Joel Youngblood.

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Best New Summer Baseball Books:

1. Billy Martin: Baseball’s Flawed Genius by Bill Pennington

2. Baseball Maverick: How Sandy Alderson Revolutionized Baseball and Revived the Mets by Steve Kettmann

3. Pedro by Michael Silverman

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Watching the Cards versus the Cubbies on Tuesday night, former Sheridan intern and Jameson enthusiast, Patrice Mooney, made a cameo on WGN’s telecast. I loved the Will Ferrell reference.

I’m rooting for the Cubbies to contend, but every liberal bone in my body dislikes the political views of the Ricketts family who own this Midwest treasure. I wonder how Cubs President Theo Epstein hashes that one out with his progressive politics.

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If the Mexican drug cartels were anything like ISIS, Donald Trump would need to consult with Charlie Hebdo‘s Director of Security.

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For the Fourth of July, I like many Americans traveled to a barbecue. Little did I know that this barbecue would be attacked by two sets of amateur fireworks detonating over the backyard. I thought I was in Fallujah.