The Mets are down two games to none versus the Kansas City Royals, which means let’s end the 2015 World Series right now. It’s over. All done. You don’t have to go home but you can’t stay at Citi Field, which makes me want to clout any dumb ass bouncer/bartender who makes this dated and overused statement.

Dumb Ass Bartender

I’ve had two days to hear how the Mets are done.

It makes me hate sports radio. It makes me loathe so-called experts, who populate ESPN, FOX Sports and the MLB Network and announce that there is nothing here to watch.

Move on. Get going.

Somehow I believe if ESPN was broadcasting the World Series, we would be assaulted with a constant stream from the Elias Sports Bureau on how World Series teams have rallied back from 0-2 deficits, but let’s move on to the NBA’s opening week of games that ESPN broadcasts.

In Friday night’s Game 3, the Royals will send to the mound a Pedro Martinez Mini Me, Yordano Ventura. In the first three games of the 2015 World Series, the Kansas City Royals have established a baseball first by having three pitchers start World Series games who hail from outside the United States. Game 1 starter Edinson Volquez, Game 2 starter Johnny Cueto and the previously mentioned Game 3 starter Yordano Ventura call the Dominican Republic home.

As a person who fails to see a problem with jingoism or excessive patriotism, rooting for the New York Mets is a vote to Make America Great Again. How do we let these three Royals pitchers even enter the country? Build a wall and send these potential rapists home. Hmmmm … alright, maybe a wall doesn’t work for the Dominican Republic, but how about a Strategic Defense Initiative (SDI) array of lasers to stop flights from the D.R. filled with drug-smuggling mules?

Donald Trump, ya feelin’ me, bra!

Trump is from Queens. He must bleed orange and blue, right?

New York’s Game 3 starter is Noah Syndergaard, who is from Mansfield, Texas. Nicknamed Thor, Syndergaard is a Norse Texas god, and is an American-born and American-made pitcher who will Make America and the Mets Great Again. The Mets have only used American-born starting pitching, so let’s get the Canadian-born, uber Texas patriot, Ted Cruz, on the Mets bandwagon.

The Royals are a banana republic squad located in the Midwest. The Royals are a threat to our American ideals, an affront to our national pastime; and as Americans, we need to take a stand.

Rooting for the Mets tonight is rooting for America. And, yes, that makes George Brett anti-American.