The world keeps spinning along. We’ve got American bombs falling on ISIS forces in the political and secular quagmire called Iraq. Ebola is begging to make an appearance at your local emergency room. A 72-hour ceasefire in the Gaza Strip resumed with Israelis raining down a deluge of bombs on Hamas, and Hamas is searching for an unsuspecting Israeli soldier to snare as another prisoner of war. And the Boston Public Library has announced that it is going to winnow its book collection by 180,000 volumes to accommodate newer books and allow more space for book-free computer and study areas,

Just another lazy day in the summer. And who said the 21st century was going to be all blowjobs in the champagne room?

I’d prefer a little head from the now sexually ambiguous Bruce Jenner than getting anywhere near the Ebola virus, but the quasi-reclusive Bruce does not have to make an awkward public appearance in the champagne room.

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I listened to Dan Patrick’s interview with Lance Armstrong on The Dan Patrick Show, and I will confess to the fact that I still want to believe in the myth of Lance Armstrong and I’m not sure I care all too much that Armstrong doped and cheated. Within the sport of cycling and many other sports, cheating/the use of Performance Enhancing Drugs was common, widespread and acknowledged within the athletic community. Does anyone labor under the notion that the guys who finished behind Armstrong, in his seven Tour de France victories, were riding without any outside assistance?

Patrick allows Armstrong to speak.

I had to laugh when Armstrong reluctantly acknowledged Greg LeMond’s importance to American cycling, because the bad blood and hostility between these two cycling greats is never far from the surface. Armstrong hates LeMond. And LeMond clearly disdains Armstrong, which was captured in the ESPN 30 for 30: Slaying The Badger.

People will always have their opinions about Lance Armstrong, the Livestrong Foundation and his place in the American canon of sports, but will anyone be able to differentiate between the asshole who is Lance Armstrong and the amazing athlete who hypnotized a nation with his incredible exploits in seven Tour de France wins? The facts are the facts, but Armstrong’s particular skill at being an unadulterated asshole is half his battle at possibly restoring some of his once impeccable public image.

Armstrong was nearly solely responsible, for an American cycling boom, which found our backroads festooned with portly weekend warriors wearing the aerodynamic regalia of professional cyclists and sporting Livestrong bracelets on their wrists. Armstrong’s cycling success was a movement that impacted folks who had never heard of The Giro or The Vuelta. Personally, I find it hard to deny Armstrong’s impaxt on American society. And I desperately want to believe that Armstrong raced up the Pyrenees or Alps against rivals who were as dirty as him.

Isn’t that the nature of athletic competition? Marveling at what we could never do, unless Lance’s Italian doctor had made house calls to the States and I had been an entry in his appointment book.

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A few days ago, American soccer icon, Landon Donovan, announced his retirement from the beautiful game at year’s end. Donovan is arguably the most accomplished player in the history of American soccer, and his departure will be a loss to Major League Soccer but not to the U.S. National Men’s Soccer team.

Men’s national coach, Jurgen Klinsmann, refused to carry Donovan on his 23-man roster for this past summer’s World Cup in Brazil. Could Donovan have helped the Americans in Brazil? Absolutely.

Klinsmann & Donovan 

The omission of Donovan from his fourth trip to the World Cup was personal on Klinsmann’s part and we can only wonder how this contributed to Donovan’s decision to hang it up. Soccer never seems to have an off-season, which is a factor in player burnout and injuries; but at the age of 32, Donovan is heading off to the Hollywood hills with his wife, the actress Bianca Kajilch.

I blame Klinsmann, especially after watching the U.S. struggle after Jozy Altidore’s hamstring injury that he suffered in the Americans’ first match versus Ghana. Donovan could have helped the U.S. but Klinsmann was looking ahead to Putin’s World Cup in 2018. Klinsmann never had any intention of flying to Brazil with Landon Donovan.

Donovan might have gotten a little satisfaction when the MLS All-Stars recently triumphed over Bayern Munich, 2-1, in Portland, Oregon.

Blutarsky

Being a proud American, I would have raised a Portland craft beer creation to salute Donovan’s game-winning strike. I then would have doused the Bayern Munich coaching staff with some shitty Beck’s after their disgraceful departure from the pitch. Neither John Belushi nor I can stand sore losin’,  punk ass Germans.