New York Yankees

The Last Remaining Narragansett Del’s Shandy

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Last night I drank the last remaining Narragansett Del’s Shandy. The fridge is now bereft of that summer concoction and reality is starkly reminding me that summer is nearly extinguished.

I refuse to relent. And I will deny the advent of fall until I see some jackass New Englander wearing fleece and a wool hat on a 65 degree day, and then I will still object to the impending appearance of autumn. 

To slow the advance of autumn, there are Russian troops crossing over the border into the Ukraine. Are these the Boys of Summer or the Dogs of War?

College football is waiting to explode over Labor Day weekend, and that might result in a few high ankle sprains amongst tailgaters leaping off sports utility vehicles to save that last Narragansett Del’s Shandy from the hands of a beer neophyte.

 

 

This is a world in flux, but rest assured there will be a Labor Day weekend traffic stop to catch that inebriated college football fan driving back from his alma mater’s opening game. We will be warned, but how can one final Narragansett Del’s Shandy put us over the edge? It’s lemonade for cryin’ out loud! Alright, with a little beer.  

The SEC has kicked off tonight with Texas A&M traveling to Charleston to take on ol’ ball coach Steve Spurrier’s South Carolina Gamecocks. In the NFL, the New England Patriots are traveling to Met Life Stadium, to take their rightful place in the Jimmy Garoppolo Debutante Ball, where the New York Giants will try to knock off Jimmy’s Vera Wang gown in both teams’ final exhibition game. The Giants are 4-0 in the preseason, and that is a bigger crock of crap than Russia denying any knowledge of Russian troops invading Ukraine. Putin is a bad man, in both the literal and Urban Dictionary sense, and the Giants are a bad football team.

Bad attributed to the New York Football Giants does not have any connection to bad ass or bad motherfuckers. Those could be used as descriptors of the crazy motherfuckers, who shot Suge Knight, at Chris Brown’s post MTV VMAs party. Suge Knight did play college ball at UNLV and two NFL replacement games with the Rams, and maybe his hit men were good union men who finally wreaked vengeance for Suge crossing an NFLPA picket line. 

Suge Knight Back in the Day at Lynnwood High 

 

In New England labor news, Arthur T. is more popular than Bill Belichick. And if you’re not familiar with Arthur T, then you’re not from New England. After the Logan Mankins trade, even Arthur S. is more popular than New England’s penny-pinching coach. 

 

Arthur T.

 

Detroit Tigers ace, David Price, surrendered nine consecutive third inning hits to the Bronx Bombers in Wednesday night’s 8-4 loss. The Tigers prevailed 3-2 in Thursday’s matinee, but the Yankees look ready to scrap their way to an October wild-card run in The Captain’s final season. Would Putin root for the Yankees or support the Boston Red Sox? Leaning to the Commie Bastard being a Red Sox fan, so he could wear the socks to May Day.

And here is the question that I wrestle with at night: If Suge Knight and Vladimir Putin were to endure facial transplant surgeries and swap visages, would the world be a better or worse place?  

 

 

 

 

 

I’m From The Jeter

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On the 40th anniversary of Richard Nixon’s resignation from the presidency, Tiger Woods failed to make the cut at the PGA Championship in Valhalla, KY. August 8th is now a date that millions of Caucasians have borne witness to their core beliefs shattering.

Former New York Yankee warrior and right fielder, Paul O’Neill, gained entrance to the hallowed monument section of Yankee Stadium. To celebrate the career of The Captain, Derek Jeter, will the borough of the Bronx find itself renamed Jeter? I’m from the Jeter.

Paul O’Neill is clearly a member of the all-time Sheridan Hardball squad.

And former U.S. Treasury Secretary Paul O’Neill will not receive a plaque at Yankee Stadium nor will he receive a Christmas card from the Dark Lord Dick Cheney.

Cheney’s transplanted heart must be doing the Electric Boogaloo at the prospect of U.S. forces re-entering Iraq. Rumor has it that Cheney is a stunt double for FX’s The Strain.

Oh, and 900 writers have decided to go after Amazon and its CEO Jeff Bezos. Rootin’ for the writers. I’m praying that Amazon doesn’t employ a drone strike versus this militant faction of wordsmiths.