Saturday morning arrives a little later after visits to local breweries and experiencing some Friday night frivolity. The night started out with a quick visit to Night Shift’s new tap room in Everett, Massachusetts, and ended at the Aeronaut Brewery in Somerville, Massachusetts. Living in the golden age of beer, I can only marvel at how Michelob was once considered the Cadillac of American beers. 

But this post isn’t about the vibrant beer scene located in Chelsea, Everett and Somerville, Massachusetts. I’m going to address that a little farther down the road. 

What I want to write about is the unbridled joy I experienced watching Chelsea defeat Everton, 6-3, in Saturday’s marquee match-up of the English Premiere League. No doubt this match will be named the Barclay’s EPL match of the week and it will be re-broadcast on NBC Sports in between hunting and fishing shows. I’ve never thought of American or British hooligans as outdoorsy types, but perhaps that scene was edited from Green Street Hooligans. 

Adrian!

I had been surfing through the channels in a little bit of a fog, and then I realized that Chelsea at Everton had already kicked off across the Atlantic. Six minutes into the match Chelsea had established a two-goal lead, and then I’m thinking that Penn St. versus Central Florida in Dublin, Ireland, wouldn’t be a bad take. But Everton roared backed with a goal. 

Hmmm… my curiosity was piqued. 

From that point onward, this match was competitive, entertaining, bruising and a tale of David vs. Goliath, Everton has American superhero goalkeeper. Tim Howard, and he would have needed Superman/Shazam abilities to stop Chelsea’s relentless offensive attack. Everton had Seamus Coleman getting in the head of Chelsea’s superstar Brazilian striker turned Spanish national team member, Diego Costa, which finally resulted in a second half confrontation between Howard and Costa. After nearly head-butting the Brazilian douchebag, Howard was rewarded with a yellow card and became an even bigger American superhero. Of course, Costa is no stranger to head butts as he delivered one to Netherlands’ Bruno Martins Indi during Spain’s 5-1 monumental World Cup loss to the Dutch. 

Didn’t Costa understand that on Friday the Brazilian economy was declared to be in a recession, and that it would be foolhardy and catastrophic to alienate Tim Howard and the global economic powerhouse he hails from? Playing for a Russian oligarch at Chelsea, one can only wonder how Costa does not understand the global economy we live in and how not to alienate economic allies. Ukraine may just be a little blip in the aforementioned economic theory. 

Steven Naismith 

Chelsea is deep, talented and financially backed by the Russian rubles of owner Roman Abramovich. Everton is talented but it is the likes of Steven Naismith, a Scottish firebrand midfielder, who represents the essence of Everton. Everton FC has nowhere near the financial resources of a Chelsea, but the likes of Naismith, a Seamus Coleman from Ireland and England’s own Leighton Baines give Everton FC this fan’s approval. 

Losing 6-3, Everton manager Roberto Martinez may want to look at his back line, but this is undoubtedly one of the more entertaining clubs in the EPL. Saying that, I am formally announcing that I will be an Everton supporter for the 2014-15 Barclay’s English Premiere League season. I refuse to commit any farther out than the 2014-15 slate of matches, because I have no desire to replicate the sense of loss I constantly endure being a fan of Major League Baseball’s New York Mets. Life is too short to hoist another emotional boulder up a formidable psychological hill with no help on the horizon.

It’s hard to be a commitmentphobe with kits like that. 

My EPL fandom is on a season-by-season approach, as I bear no physical ties or emotional baggage to Everton FC. If I want to walk away, there will be no question about my moral fiber as a sports fan because I am acknowledging that I am a hired gun. I am a Hessian which all Brits should understand.This is a one-season stand with the potential for a longer commitment if both parties are satisfied. In effect, I am announcing a prenuptial with Everton FC. I just hope not to be Catfished.

Sheeeeee – it. I would imagine that The Wire’s Clay Davis and I have no geographical understanding of where Everton is located in Great Britain. Saturday’s broadcast stated that Everton is located in the North West of England. I imagine bicycling and craft beers must be popular in the North West of England. So, sign me up!   

In fact, after fifteen seconds of meticulous research, Everton is a district of Liverpool in Merseyside. 

I’m sold. 

Yesterday’s match between The Blues (My fandom denotes an element of familiarity with the club, as I am now a supporter for a little less than 24 hours.) and Chelsea was a rollercoaster ride of emotions that featured more plot twists and turns than a season of Clay Davis’s political stratagems and backroom bilking. The second half was a delightful romp until the big money boys from London started to home school my Blues. 

Only twelve days until The Blues next match versus West Bromwich. This supporter needs to see a result where three points are earned.